This might sound completely stuck up (not that I care) but don’t you absolutely hate it when all you want to do is have a nice, smart, funny, cute guy by your side and yet all you seem to do to is find weirdos whom you have no interest in? I take pride in the fact that I try to be sensitive and considerate about people’s feelings since I’m a pretty emotional person. I try really hard to let people down gently and will be pretty persistent until they understand that I just want to be friends. So, what exactly do I do when I’ve tried to be honest, when I’ve ignored them on all social media, and dare I say it, when I actually decided to kiss them? Let’s back up a bit and analyze the past five years…
In 2009 I started receiving random text messages from this guy and, silly me, thought that he actually just wanted to be friends. I gave him some of my time and then realized that I was probably leading him on and should stop. I had a boyfriend at the time who actually stepped in at one point because my honesty was not coming across the way I had hoped it would. No matter how many times I told him I had a boyfriend, I wasn’t interested, and that I just wanted to be friends, he didn’t seem to get it. Step one of being honest was a failure, so I moved onto step two.
Sometime in early 2012 we were both at the same party and I had just experienced the worst breakup of my life. Desperate for affection and still mourning my loss of Amsterdam, I decided to kiss him. You know that saying “if you can’t beat them, join them”? Yeah well that phrase was entirely false in this situation. In fact, it only made things worse. It was just a simple kiss but it obviously gave off the wrong impression. I went from step two of attempting to be interested in him, onto step three.
I went back to ignoring him for a while but I guess he was really into the kiss because his aggression towards me was only getting stronger. I thought I was being a bit dramatic but decided to block this guy from all social media because he clearly wasn’t getting the greater picture. I deleted him off of Facebook, blocked him on Twitter, and never accepted his Instagram requests. I thought it was working considering I didn’t hear from him for a while. In fact, it wasn’t until about three years later, after I graduated college, that I heard from him.
We had another honest talk where I admitted that I should have never kissed him and that I only wanted to be friends. I thought he got it. We continued to have casual conversations here and there but eventually he faded out of the picture. I thought I had finally been clear enough and that I wouldn’t hear from him ever again. No surprise that I was completely wrong about this. At this point I had run out of steps to follow, I had gone from one to three back to one and nothing had really changed.
This past November I bumped into him and we had a casual conversation. CASUAL being the key word. Suddenly I’m getting social media requests and compliments about my blog (I mean, duh). I can’t handle it anymore, it’s been FIVE YEARS. How honest and straightforward can I be? Fun fact: I CAN’T. I’ve done and tried everything. I mean seriously, I’m not THAT great.
So what’s the next step? I’m still trying to figure that one out. Until then I guess all I can do is take the compliment and hope in the next five years he magically gets over me. Until then…
“Yo, I think you better go; I can’t take you. I know you’re looking for salvation in the secular age, but boy I’m not your savior.”