I’m the type of person who tries to be true to my decisions. If I decide to end things with someone, I’m not going to change my mind three weeks later. There’s nothing wrong with realizing that you’ve made a mistake and then try to remedy the situation, but that’s not how I roll. For me, I think a lot about my decisions, especially when it comes to relationships since in the past my mind has been toyed with by men. In this particular case, a frat guy who will never make up his mind or have a true commitment, ever.
The thing about this guy is that so much time can pass us and nothing will change. This is good and bad, good because it’s totally normal to hang out and be casual. But bad because I always run back into the hole I dug my sophomore year of college. I’ll admit that I was the one who had initially reached out to him this time. I noticed that he moved to New York and I thought it might be nice to catch up. I truly did not have the intention of anything else. When we did meet up, it was actually really nice and fun. We got drinks and hung out on my roof. I thought it was going so well that I even got excited about the idea of actually having a straight male friend. But I thought too quickly because next thing I know we’re kissing.
I was happy with the idea of kissing him and I thought things were going well for us until this guy decided that he was go to be as clingy as a girl whose just lost her virginity. Now don’t get me wrong, if I’m into you, you’ll know it. And if I want you to stay, you’ll know it. Fast forward to 11 AM on a Saturday morning. I’ve already showered, done my makeup, straightened my hair and told this guy about how my uncle was coming to visit me today…and he’s still in my apartment. I decide that if I change my sheets and make my bed that will be an even more obvious indication that I’d like for him to leave. Nope, he’s still in my room. I pull out my Swiffer duster (I kid you not) and dusted my entire bedroom. He. Did. Not. Leave. At this point, there is no way to be subtle so I tell him “I have a manicure appointment I need to get to.” About 30 minutes of small talk and me inching closer and closer to the door, he finally leaves. After that, I knew I was done but he obviously wasn’t.
The thing about rekindling an old relationship is that people believe that you are the same person you were when you first them. They believe that you still want the same thing and that you’ll fool around the same way that you did with them in the past. The difference between sophomore year me and post grad me is that I don’t want to be texted at 9 PM on a Thursday where you ask me what I’m up to (I’m at a 1975 concert, duh). I don’t want to hear from you while I’m shopping for holiday outfits at Topshop on Friday at 6 PM. First off, do you have any consideration and respect for me? And second, do you know anything about me? I plan everything in advance. I have a life and friends and things to do. If you actually want to see me for something other than a hook up or even if you want to see me for a hook up, I hope you know me well enough to know if you text me the night of, it likely won’t happen unless I really like you.
I asked one of my good friends what I should do about the situation and if it was bad that I felt so annoyed that he wouldn’t leave my apartment/he keeps texting me when clearly I had invited him over in the first place. Of course, this chick always has my back and told me “You’re a badass independent bitch who doesn’t need some clingy guy hanging around her, unless you allow him to.” And to that I say amen. I like guys and I like spending time with guys whom I actually want to hang out with. I don’t like guys who just can’t seem to get the picture. Thank the lord for Swiffer dusters and for friends who understand that I’m a badass independent bitch and don’t need to fall back into a trap I created for myself sophomore year of college.